I’m a little tired of being “resilient,” aren’t you?
I’m told I’ve developed resiliency, and that’s how I’ve made it through the difficulties with my illnesses (ulcerative colitis and others) and their treatments, such as surgeries. I don’t really think of it that way, however. My perspective on resilience is that I don’t see how I could exist without it.
I think of it as having no choice. If I wanted to live, I had to have surgery. If I want to live in a warm home, I have to find a way to work and make money. If I want to have a social network, I have to be giving and respectful to others.
Much of my life experience took place before I knew the word “resilience.” I didn’t know what I was doing; I just made the best decisions I could with the information I had at the time.
Today, we discuss strategies for building resilience and taking an active role in adversity. To dive deeper, I invited Kinsey Beagley to the About IBD Podcast, where she shares how she develops resilience, reframes challenges, and finds meaning in difficult times.
Your Guide to Reframing
Kinsey has her own mantra, which is so metal! When she has a difficult situation coming up, she reminds herself, “I can do hard things.”
Here’s how she does it, and how you can do it too:
- Finding a phrase or a mantra that has meaning for you
- Recognising upcoming challenges (and not ignoring them or putting them out of mind)
- Breaking difficult tasks or situations into steps or segments
- Consciously choosing to approach circumstances with a positive attitude
- Planning for a small treat or reward after a difficult appointment or procedure
Your Guide to Being Proactive
Part of resiliency and reframing is in recognizing and understanding challenges. With IBD, that also means advocating for yourself. I think that’s sometimes a nebulous phrase: it doesn’t seem to have any shape or structure. Yet we want people to be their own advocates.
So let’s define what being proactive means in the IBD space. Advocating for yourself can look like:
- Recognizing the situations in life that are the most difficult and cause feelings of anxiety
- Understanding that there is help available, even if you don’t know exactly what that help might look like right now
- Asking healthcare providers, friends, family, employers, school administrators, mental health professionals and the IBD community about what types of help are available for solving problems
- Talking to your school or employer about accessibility, such as having consistent, reliable bathroom access
- Communicating openly with professors, employers, healthcare providers, and others regarding your needs
- Following up and using collaboration and compromise, when necessary, to have your needs met
Reframing is Not Ignoring
We absolutely deal with difficult situations with IBD. There’s no way to get away from them, although our healthcare providers often do try to minimize disruption and discomfort. Employers and school administrators don’t always understand at first, so they need to be brought along.
It’s unfortunate that teaching others about IBD and the support we need is on the backs of patients. However, I look at it this way: once I educate an employer or others on IBD, it will help the next person with a chronic illness who approaches them with similar issues. You are helping yourself, but you are also helping others (although you might never know who they are).
Most people we know don’t share our experiences, so we feel alone and isolated. This is especially true for young people with IBD, even though IBD is most often diagnosed in people in their teens and 20s.
Resilience is not minimizing the challenges. Drinking a gallon of GoLytely at the age of 16 prior to a colonoscopy was challenging for me. But I did it. Now, I can help someone else who is going through something similar, and we can joke or laugh about it together. I’m not saying the experience didn’t come with trauma, but I can look at it now with pride that I carried and supported myself through it.
There is a need for many people with IBD to seek professional mental health support. A therapist or counselor can help in recognizing resiliency and offering ways to cultivate that mindset. Having a relationship with a therapist doesn’t mean you’re not resilient; it means you’re using all the tools you have available to support your journey.
Believe that You Deserve Help
At the heart of all of this is recognizing that you deserve to be healthy and whole. You don’t have to prove it: you are deserving because you’re human. The people around you should want that for you as well, although you may need to help them understand what you’re coping with. People with IBD make excellent employees, great friends, and supportive parents.
Sometimes we need a little help along the way. I want you to believe that you’re entitled to it, that you can and should ask for it, and that you should also receive it.