Whenever we think of stress relief and self-care, the same ideas seem to come up. You’ve seen the articles, and I’ve written my share of them. Meditation, mindfulness, hydration, engaging in exercise, and getting enough sleep usually top the list. These things are good ideas, of course, and they do work.

The downside to this is that people have found a way to monetize stress relief and self-care. (Hydroflasks and Stanley cups, anyone?) We can pay for apps, spa days, supplements, self-help books, and day planners, among other things. However, it’s perhaps unrealistic to think we can throw money at the deeply seated problems in our lives and expect miraculous results.

Additionally, what if you’re already doing yoga and taking baths and journaling — and you’re still stressed out? That’s when you need to start thinking outside the self-care industrial complex box and try something that takes more investment and time.

As people living with chronic illness, we have to go deeper.

It Might Get Weird

Self-care and stress relief might mean putting new strategies and boundaries into place. And when you do that, you might come up against people who become uncomfortable with your new limits or look askance at your new routines. That might be the best indicator that you’re honing in on the deeper work needed to redefine your life, practice some true self-care, and find some measure of order and peace in the chaos.

There are many ways to come at the idea of caring for oneself, but here are a few that might be uncomfortable in the beginning, yet pay off in the long run.

Self-Care Ideas That Go Beyond The Usual

Leverage the focus mode on your devices. Your phone, tablet, and computer likely already have a focus setting built into them. What this means is that you can turn off notifications — either altogether or for certain things (like social media or text messages). Setting up focus for sleep is necessary to avoid being awoken from random 3AM messages. But it could also be used when you’re just trying to get things done: working, reading a book, playing with your kids, or just having dinner.

There are many settings that you can play with so that an emergency phone call from your kid’s school can come through, but the group chat about the latest social media trend is silenced until you’re ready to engage. I can guarantee someone will not like texting you and seeing that you’ve got focus mode turned on: but that may only mean you’re on the right track.

Institute “no meeting” Fridays. Although it doesn’t have to be Fridays, it could also be Monday if you find that your Sundays are ruined because of a busy calendar the next day. Having one solid day to get into a deep workflow and catch up on whatever it is that you need to accomplish can take the edge off some stress. It can also leave some time to get those “extra” things accomplished, like sitting on hold for hours with your insurance carrier or specialty pharmacy.

Meal planning. I’ll be the first one to say that I hate this one. I don’t like being blocked into a meal schedule because what I want and what I can tolerate changes between the time I go shopping and the day I’m supposed to make the meal. But even for me, having a flexible but moderately planned meal plan schedule for the week can help.

I’m not an expert on this. But I will say that taking some time at the start of the week to make, for instance, a pot of beans that can be added to meals all week, chopping up fruits and vegetables, and making dips, seasoning mixes, salad dressing, and even coffee creamer ahead of time can make the daily breakfast and dinner scramble easier. What’s more, having staples like seasonings, butter, oil, eggs, rice, cous cous, gravies, meat and vegetable stock, and frozen fruits and vegetables on hand at all times can take the edge off planning.

Hire a financial advisor. I said we were going to get out of the box and into the weeds and I meant it. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. Financial advise comes in all levels and for all stages of life. It may be painful in the beginning to get everything out on the table and think ahead to the future.

But once that part is over, you’ll have a better idea of what your goals are, and that is anything you want it to be. It reminds me of the treat-to-target idea when working with your healthcare team: you are the one who defines what that looks like, and your team helps you find a way to get there. Even if you’re disabled, there are still steps you can take to improve your financial literacy and prepare for the future.

Create a morning routine and a nighttime routine. You’re going to need to experiment here with what works best for you. But the key is that it’s easier to tie habits together. For instance, if you already brush your teeth at night before going to bed, piggyback another self-care strategy to this, such as taking your nighttime medications or setting out your clothes for the next day. Over time you can cement these habits so that they become part of a nighttime routine. Try adding one more thing to your routine at a time to build it up over time.

Self-Care and Destress Extra Credit

Here are more strategies that you can use to reduce stress, cut back on clutter, and maximize your time:

• Making an appointment? Get the first one of the day because your healthcare provider is less likely to be running behind.
• Too many paper records or bills? Scan them or take photos using an app on your phone, and save the digital copies. Set aside time weekly or monthly to keep on top of it.
• Driving around with clothes or other items in your trunk to be donated? There are organizations that will come and pick up these items from your home, even sometimes larger things like electronics, small appliances, or furniture.
• Feeling discouraged? Practice gratitude by writing down 3 or more things you’re grateful for each day. You could even say them to yourself during your nighttime routine or text them to a friend. This practice does work to create a more positive mindset.
• Email, text, or social media overload? Unsubscribe and unfollow. I say this as someone who sends an email newsletter weekly, but give yourself permission to unsub from the emails, texts, and snail mail that take up too much physical and mental space in your life. You can always sign up for them again later if you want to.
• Bored? Use your library. Libraries have changed and now many offer digital subscriptions for books, streaming services, and even music. Some also have museum passes or other materials to borrow like puzzles or even cake pans. Save yourself time, money, and shelf space by borrowing instead of purchasing.

And what about those days where you feel like you can’t do anything? Everyone with a chronic illness has them. My best advice and what I do for myself is to pare it all back to the essentials: take a shower and eat something nourishing. Those are the only goals for the day, and once those are accomplished, anything else you get in is extra.

What did I miss? Send me your ideas about how you have developed self-care routines that go outside of the usual.