For those of us living with chronic illnesses, parenting comes with challenges that are different than those of our peers. On About IBD Podcast Episode 167, Jaime Holland and I share how we manage guilt and fatigue from inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). Here are some key takeaways and practical tips from our conversation for parents with IBD who find themselves making their way through similar challenges.
1. Acknowledge the Fatigue
Fatigue is a common symptom for many living with a chronic illness. It’s important to know that it can be a part of life. Planning around the fatigue in daily life is an important part of planning. Knowing that the fatigue is going to come up can help in carving out days for rest. What this might look like is prioritizing rest and relaxation and plan for days with less activity.
2. Reframe Your Perspective
Reframing doesn’t mean wearing rose-colored glasses or ignoring the hardships. But it can be helpful to reframe the way you think about rest. Instead of seeing it as a time-out, consider it a “time-in” you can use to reconnect with your children. A shift in mindset can help with the guilt associated with needing downtime. For instance, if you’re resting, you might invite your kids to join you for a movie in bed or have a picnic in the living room. In this way, you can create special memories while allowing yourself time to recharge.
3. Involve Your Kids in Household Chores
Teaching children to take on age-appropriate household chores can be helpful for you and for them. I have taught my kids how to do chores throughout their lives. As small children they can put away toys, dust, or fold clothes. As teenagers, they can do more, including cooking and laundry. They are learning life skills, which they will need, but they’re also helping take some of the load from me. They’re also learning responsibility and teamwork, which empowers them.
4. Communicate Openly with Your Children
It’s important to communicate with children about your health in an age-appropriate way. Jamie talks about how she has helped her toddler understand that sometimes mommy needs to rest. By being open about the reality of chronic illness, you can help your children learn empathy and understanding. This also cuts down on the internalized guilt about not always being able to keep up with their high energy levels.
5. Create Engaging Play Stations
To keep kids entertained while you rest, consider setting up play stations around the house. Jaime talks about how she created toy areas in various rooms, which means that her daughter can play independently while she takes a break. It keeps kids occupied while giving you some space to recharge.
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6. Limit Screen Time, But Use It to Your Advantage
Many parents are concerned about screen time, especially for smaller kids. Jaime and I point out, however, that it’s a tool we can use to keep kids entertained. Monitor screen time, but also think about how it can be used for interaction. For example, you can watch a show together and talk about it afterward, which turns screen time into a bonding experience.
7. Let Go of Guilt
Perhaps the most crucial piece of advice is to let go of guilt. Know that you’re doing your best as a parent, and that’s what truly matters. It’s also important to remind yourself that taking time for self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being and, ultimately, so that you can better care for your family.
8. Seek Support
Reach out to your support system when you need it. Your network can include your partner, family, friends, or other parents. Having a network to help with childcare or things like running errands can make a big difference. People generally want to help, and you should give them the opportunity when you need a break.
Conclusion
Parenting with a chronic illness is challenging. But it can help to remember that you are not alone. It is possible to create a nurturing environment for your children while also taking care of yourself. Remember to find the joy along the journey, and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. After all, a parent who knows how to tend to their own needs is better equipped to raise happy, healthy children.